I remember my childhood with fondness. Seems I was one of the ‘lucky ones’ by having two loving parents. So many holidays filled with so much joy. Just think of a ‘Norman Rockwell’ painting and you’ll get the idea of what I’m trying to say.
Yes, with a bit of nostalgic flair our family always joined together at the dining room table for the “family dinner”. A time to celebrate, to love and to remember we were Family!
Looking back on it now, it all feels a bit empty. It seems more like a pomp and circumstance pony show then ‘real love, caring and compassion’.
Being Italian that was, and still is, mother’s mantra; “My door is always open if you’re ever hungry.” For her, food is love and for the most part, the extent of her love.
But you don’t see such things as a child. As a child such moments truly are real. They are foundational and influence you for the rest of your life. As you grow older you reflect on those times and try to mirror them. Perhaps hoping to recapture those feelings.
You see when we are young we have a certain innocence which allows us to see life through ‘rose colored glasses’. Once we have actually lived life outside of that family setting we see so much more. The innocence is lost forever and those moments we wish to recapture will never be.
When I was 26 my first ‘lover’ came into my life. We moved in together. I was happy and in love. Then the holidays came. It was a few weeks before Thanksgiving when I received that dreaded phone call from mother.
She advised me I was welcome to the house for the holidays but my ‘lover’ wasn’t. I immediately told her neither of us would be attending. This went on for two holiday seasons (two years).
Evidently mother couldn’t understand or accept my love. Of course, for me, that meant mother didn’t understand me. Suddenly all the ‘love of family’ seemed like an empty promise. Suddenly my ‘foundation’ was faulty and flawed.
When a person discovers their very foundation is faulty they start to question everything and, by default must move on. Why did my family deceive me all my life? Eventually I just decided ‘that was then’, ‘this is now’. Onward.
I’m sure mother expected me to cast my lover aside and attend the family holiday events alone. Of course, this wasn’t the case at all. Perhaps in her mind, I let her down. Which is almost humorous since that is exactly what I felt.
Oddly enough, after the two year ex-communication all was set aside and we moved forward. Of course, in reality I now knew, in my family, love was conditional and faulty!
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